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FDP Forum / Tin Pan Alley - Songwriting / New Song

guitarslinger87

Austin

Dec 8th, 2008 03:28 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Hi.

Just finished a new tune and would appreciate any feedback on it. The mix is a little rough in spots as we learn the home recording gig.

Thanks for the help, and taking the time to comment!

The music player is about half way down the page.

Song

kve
Contributing Member
*

Crozet, VA

Dec 8th, 2008 08:51 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Maybe not exactly my type of thing, but I thought it was pretty decent. Sort of a U2 type feel. The couple suggestions I might have is 1) bring the vox up a little (it somewhat buried in the mix) and 2) shorten the intro. Your intro is around 55 seconds or so. Cut it down to 20-30 seconds and get to the song.

Kevin

guitarslinger87

Austin

Dec 8th, 2008 04:47 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Great suggestions. Thanks Kevin.

Bar-czar
Contributing Member
****

Chicago

Too loud man...... too loud
Dec 8th, 2008 07:29 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

GS87,

I would bring up the vocals and bring down the guitars a little. The intro doesn't bother me, although you might want to add something to it gradually to build up to the verse.

BC

Solomio

Canada/Montreal

Dec 9th, 2008 04:40 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Sonically very interesting and original.
Very well done.
I do like to know what's being talked about so if you would post the lyrics it would allow us more insight.
Th bass drum hits I feel are wrong.IMO they do not sync at all with the feel, the beat going on within.
As I would surmise this is a CD cut as opposed to a single so you don't really have to worry about the length of the intro or the song for that matter.
The vocalist does an admirable job showing perhaps only two points of weakness throughout the whole tune.
As far as "art" music goes I'd say you guys got something going on.
Keep up the good work.
solomio

benjybeaver
Contributing Member
****

USA - Illinois

Age is a number..."Old" is an attitude.
Dec 9th, 2008 12:49 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

First I like it... a lot. I do not have any problem with the intro, the vox, or the drum beat. To me (on headphones) this falls in the Bermuda Triangle of Pink Floyd, Radiohead, and Incubus. Very atmospheric. I agree (as a lyricist) I would love to read the lyrics to try and get into your heads a little more, but the tone and gut feel are coming through for me.

The guitar coming in the at the first verse could go down some...it is a little jarring. Otherwise I would actually go to watch you play...this is good stuff. Some of my favorite music of the recent postings.

Mauer and Verson

guitarslinger87

Austin

Dec 9th, 2008 08:56 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Hey guys, thanks a ton for all the feedback, I sincerely appreciate it. We pulled the guitars down in the choruses, the suggestions are right on. I think I need to tweak the first phrase in the solo a bit, there are a couple of notes that I dorked it on that are driving me nuts. Lyrics below...

Music by Cameron Hooker and Rob Chambers words by Rob Chambers
Copyright 2008 Awake At Dawn

I’m Sane…?

Only 6 days since I’ve seen that…
Bright blue cei- ling, now haunted by the moon
Only myself and these walls…
I will le-et confi - ine me, but never you.
Ooh, like evil eyes, these stars burn holes.
They scream my name my name out in rage.
Ooh, no 7 suns and no hea-ling.
There’s nothing left but to run.
Your gift to me…burn, and burn.
When all is said and done…
We had a go-od run, I hear you say.
Alone I seek the meaning for my-y li - ife to-da - ay, the chemicals and all.
Ooh, like evil eyes, these stars burn holes.
They scream my name my name out in rage.
I’m sane.
Ooh, like evil eyes, these stars burn holes.
They scream my name my name out in rage.
Ooh, no 7 suns and no hea-ling.
There’s nothing left to be won.

I’m sane.
I’m sane.
I’m sane…?


Solomio

Canada/Montreal

Dec 9th, 2008 09:30 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

The lyrics well suit the music and vice versa.
Considering the genre I guess you can say what ever you want and to use one of benjy's words the lyrics are also "atmospheric". They get the job done and that's the important thing.
solomio

FDP Forum / Tin Pan Alley - Songwriting / New Song




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