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FDP Forum / Tin Pan Alley - Songwriting / What If

kve

Crozet, VA

I'm "Branded"-- my stars are ripped away
Jan 10th, 2011 08:59 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

The RPM folks can't wait for February it seems -- no really, they can't wait. So they have decided to do a film soundtrack (no movie, just the music). I was assigned the "Regret Sequence".

OK, I went for my best "Ryan Bingham" imitation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwwkqABItLA). Came close, but I forgot about having a varied melody -- oh well, can't do it all.

Is it regretful enough? Right now I am not getting too many responses at my normal songwriting sites. It might just not be any good (ha, ha)

Kevin

P.S. The click track was left in for other vocalists to join the fun.
************************************************
What If
© Emmrich 2011

(verse)
I used to look at the flame in your eyes
I thought it was a refection of love
Now all I see is the cold gray dawn
It’s because of things I have done

(verse)
What if I’d never left, would that light still be there
would it warm my soul just by glancing?
can we never go back, has time covered our tracks
and our future is left only to chance

(chorus)
just another try, 'fore we say goodbye
is that too much to ask
Can you overcome, what I have done
or am I left wondering "What If?""

(verse)
if we visited our past and went down another path
would it all turn out the same
are we trapped in a cycle that repeats for all time
the mistakes, the mis-steps and blame

(chorus again)

(bridge)
Anthony and Cleopatra,
Delilah and Sampson
star crossed lovers it seems
I thought we'd get there
but I've cut off my hair
I'm left with only memories to keep

(chorus again and tag ending)

Kevin: vocal, acoustic guitar
BIAB: bass, drums, piano, acoustic guitars, fiddle, pedal steel

What If

(This message was last edited by kve at 05:30 AM, Jan 14th, 2011)

3putt
Contributing Member
****

Mid-Mo.

One note short of a chord
Feb 11th, 2011 08:54 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Kve.....the song has a really good feel. I can hear it in a sound track (the Jeff Bridges movie comes to mind.) The chorus is spot on, but there are a few cadence issues in the verses that are a bit clumsy. If you want I could work on it with you. I've been away awhile...it's good to see you still working on your songs.

kve

Crozet, VA

I'm "Branded"-- my stars are ripped away
Feb 11th, 2011 11:01 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Hello, how are you doing? Would you like me to send you anything? Or do you want to just point out a few areas. I am in www.fawm.org and www.rpmchallenge for the rest of February -- and I am actually been playing a few open mics -- scary!

fendrguitplayr
Contributing Member
******

Greater Boston

Where suspense is never in short supply.
Feb 11th, 2011 11:16 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Great melody, lyrics, performance and production you have here, Kevin. Nice work!

3putt
Contributing Member
****

Mid-Mo.

One note short of a chord
Feb 14th, 2011 03:54 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

If you want I can post a few edits here or would you like me to email you? This song has real potential.

3putt
Contributing Member
****

Mid-Mo.

One note short of a chord
Feb 14th, 2011 03:57 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Oh and by the way....I'm only offering to give a different viewpoint, not take over your song. And most importantly it would only be to help out a fellow FDP songwriter with no strings attached....you're good people.

fendrguitplayr
Contributing Member
******

Greater Boston

Where suspense is never in short supply.
Feb 14th, 2011 06:00 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

I'm guessing that you two know each other from these song challenges?

kve

Crozet, VA

I'm "Branded"-- my stars are ripped away
Feb 15th, 2011 04:28 AM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

Feel free to post the edits here -- this place is secure as email (no one ever visits, ha, ha!). I am looking forward to your ideas. If you want to do email only let me know (kemmrich at jkt9000.com).

Kevin

3putt
Contributing Member
****

Mid-Mo.

One note short of a chord
Feb 16th, 2011 02:20 PM   Edit   Profile   Print Topic   Search Topic

I'll try to take some time this weekend. I want to listen to the song several times to get the cadence down.

FDP Forum / Tin Pan Alley - Songwriting / What If




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