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FDP Forum / Tin Pan Alley - Songwriting / Vocal phrasing

Contributing Member

Greater Boston

Where suspense is never in short supply.
Apr 7th, 2011 05:53 AM   Edit   Profile  

This started as a short instrumental, but a SC friend offered to write lyrics and sing and I like it, but some of the vocal phrasing could be changed I think.

What say you?

I Carry Your Hear With Me


Crozet, VA

I'm "Branded"-- my stars are ripped away
Apr 7th, 2011 07:26 PM   Edit   Profile  

LOL! -- it is a songwriting thread, you ought to post the lyrics.

Contributing Member

Las Vegas Nevada USA

Can't complain, but sometimes I still do
May 7th, 2011 06:38 PM   Edit   Profile  

Mike ... I agree with you.

Sounds a bit *mechanical* for lack of a better word to describe how I hear it. A bit *staccatto* to my ear ...

The words are all there and at pitch, but the lyrics might find a softer/smoother flow ... (maybe soulfulness or personal emotion) in deliver.

Or maybe I'm not tuned in to the song and the *bouncy* feel is the goal.

Just my observations on a first run knowing nothing more than what I hear.



May 8th, 2011 11:57 AM   Edit   Profile  

Hi all, I'm new to this forum. Cool tune! I like the string sounds you have going, very orchestral. Sounds to me like some of the staccato feel from the singing may come from her trying to fit in a lot of syllables in some of the lines? Some of the lines sound like they may be a tad bit wordy (I should know, because all my songs are a bit wordy!), and it sounds like she's being a bit self conscious and trying to fit in with the meter and get all the syllables in, instead of just going with the flow of it. Just a thought. I do like the tune though!

Contributing Member

Back In The UK!

Swinging The Lead
Jul 30th, 2013 06:58 PM   Edit   Profile  


FDP Forum / Tin Pan Alley - Songwriting / Vocal phrasing

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