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FDP Forum / Performer's Corner / Gigging with head cases

swampyankee
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olde New England

If you can't play good, play loud
Aug 25th, 2019 04:15 PM   Edit   Profile  

The bass player of a band I was in invited me to join him and his brother, both lifelong musicians, in a band to help his brother get back performing after he suffered a mild stroke a few years ago. His brother and he are both excellent singers, so I agreed to join.

We've been playing together since March, and we've played a few gigs but we're still not super tight. We played a backyard BBQ/birthday party yesterday, and all was going ok. We were into our third set and the brother got upset about something in a song. The two brothers started arguing, mics still on. I was somehow the subject of the argument, so after they separated I tried to talk to the brother to find out what I did wrong. He wouldn't talk to me and just yelled at his brother to get me away from him.
More yelling and swearing ensued between the brothers, all amidst the guests. It was announced that the show was over, and I tried get the one that was still speaking to me to quiet down but he bitched at me and said he didnt f-ing care who heard him

I was mortified, mostly for the guests, so I packed my stuff and left. As much as I enjoyed playing with them, I dont want to have to endure another public meltdown so I guess I'm done.




(This message was last edited by swampyankee at 07:49 AM, Aug 27th, 2019)

windmill
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Australia

older,better
Aug 25th, 2019 04:50 PM   Edit   Profile  

Life is too short to be in those situations.

look forward and get on doing things you want to do.

perhaps in the future it may become clear what the issue was but dont dwell on it.

I suggest finding someone else to play a few tunes with.

:)

Peegoo
Contributing Member
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If irritation occurs

discontinue use.
Aug 25th, 2019 04:58 PM   Edit   Profile  

Someone (two people?) forgot to take their meds yesterday.

I was in a band many years ago like this. The singer was a prima donna and he thought he deserved perfection from "his" band. After two separate episodes of totally unprofessional behavior in front of the crowd, I walked after the gig was done.

Like Windmill says, life is too short to have to endure this immature behavior. Sorry you had to deal with this crap.

tahitijack
Contributing Member
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San Clemente, CA

Happy Sunsets, tahitijack
Aug 25th, 2019 05:00 PM   Edit   Profile  

I'm with windmill. I'd cut off any further communication (don't respond to phone calls, email, text, etc.) and head on down a fresh trail to a better situation. Yes, life is too short and you only get to pass this way once. If by chance they approach you face to face. Walk away.

littleuch
Contributing Member
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Florida

Itchy finger on the outrage trigger
Aug 25th, 2019 05:44 PM   Edit   Profile  

You could've exposed yourself to the audience and the response would've still been totally inappropriate. Head cases. Move on.

swampyankee
Contributing Member
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olde New England

If you can't play good, play loud
Aug 25th, 2019 06:57 PM   Edit   Profile  

The saddest thing about it all is, these guys are well into their 60s.

Sad but true. Musicians are an eccentric lot, and some apparently never grow out of it.

littleuch
Contributing Member
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Florida

Itchy finger on the outrage trigger
Aug 26th, 2019 09:19 AM   Edit   Profile  

These brothers, their last name isn't Davies by any chance?


:-p



swampyankee
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olde New England

If you can't play good, play loud
Aug 26th, 2019 09:28 AM   Edit   Profile  

No, apparently they don't have it together enough to get nearly that much success.

The bass player kept saying to his brother, "that's it. I'm quitting both bands, You happy now?!" and he told me he was going to call the leader of the other band we're both in, and tell him he quit. I told him he should give that a day. As soon as I left the place the the leader of the other band called and wanted to know what just happened, and that the bass player just called him and quit.

Being sick of the bass player's drama, the band leader has accepted his resignation and called another bass player to join us. Meanwhile, today the bass player is calling both the band leader and myself to apologize.

More drama than a soap opera I tell ya!


5Strats
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Edmond/OKC

GospelBilly!
Aug 26th, 2019 01:22 PM   Edit   Profile  

Most of the really good musicians I know have mental health issues. It comes with the territory, unfortunately.

My meds keep me being the "normal" one in my current band.

(This message was last edited by 5Strats at 03:23 PM, Aug 26th, 2019)

Juice Nichols
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Panama City, FL

I'm just a dude, playing a dude...
Aug 26th, 2019 01:40 PM   Edit   Profile  

All over a backyard BBQ gig??!?!?

I would have just given them the GFY salute and left.

gdw3

LA-la-land, CA

Insert clever comment here
Aug 26th, 2019 04:07 PM   Edit   Profile  

There is certainly no reason to endure that.

Too bad, too, because brothers can be super tight. I jammed with twins once, and it was legit like they were telepathic.

Peegoo
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If irritation occurs

discontinue use.
Aug 26th, 2019 04:32 PM   Edit   Profile  

These brothers, their last name isn't Gallagher by any chance?


:-p


swampyankee
Contributing Member
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olde New England

If you can't play good, play loud
Aug 27th, 2019 05:58 AM   Edit   Profile  

"Too bad, too, because brothers can be super tight. I jammed with twins once, and it was legit like they were telepathic."

It is too bad. The similarity in the tone of voices in a family make for some very sweet harmonies, and these guys had been singing together since they were kids. All I had to do was add an occasional 3rd harmony, and do all the lead guitar stuff. It was fun.

But as 5Strats said, there are some mental health issues at play here. Very sad indeed.

walshb
Contributing Member
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Manchester, TN

Ask me how I know!?
Aug 27th, 2019 07:09 AM   Edit   Profile  

Pretty strange behavior, especially considering the ages of those involved. Most of us are not at a pro level, and expecting to play 40 songs a night, mistake free, is a real stretch. But behavior like they displayed should never be tolerated, and an apology doesn't ensure that it wouldn't happen again.
Good luck with your next gig, whatever it turns out to be!


swampyankee
Contributing Member
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olde New England

If you can't play good, play loud
Aug 27th, 2019 07:40 AM   Edit   Profile  

At this point that band has dissolved. Both the bass player and I are still in another band. Or at least were, until he called the bandleader and quit that one too. I'm still in it, with a couple of gigs on the books. So now we're scrambling to get another bass player on board.



littleuch
Contributing Member
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Florida

Itchy finger on the outrage trigger
Aug 27th, 2019 07:45 AM   Edit   Profile  

I can handle kookie and "out there" types, but I'm no longer "seeing patients" with personality disorders that love the adversarial process. Especially in the sanctuary of musical collaboration.

BlondeStrat
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Las Vegas NV

Can't complain but sometimes I still do
Aug 27th, 2019 10:18 AM   Edit   Profile  

Good move you made there.

We have about 65 people per shift in the department that must work in near perfect unison at all times.

I myself, as well as what I teach my trainees is, know right up front there are a lot of very different personalities here on any given shift. You shouldn't make judgements about the person based on personality quirks, judge them on how they perform their job and what value do they offer to (you) on the job.

Trust me we have some very fringy personalities in the mix.

When the show can't go on, it's time to get the heck out. The quicker the better. ;)

swampyankee
Contributing Member
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olde New England

If you can't play good, play loud
Aug 28th, 2019 08:10 AM   Edit   Profile  

"You shouldn't make judgements about the person based on personality quirks, judge them on how they perform their job and what value do they offer to (you) on the job."

After managing the day-to=day operations of a manufacturing plant, I put up with alot of quirky folks. And as I told them, "I don't care how you behave as long as it doesn't impact your performance, the performance of your coworkers, and our ability to serve our customer."

But as litleuch said, musical collaboration is a sanctuary. When it becomes more drama then fun, it's time to bail.

FDP Forum / Performer's Corner / Gigging with head cases




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